Cheaters never prosper, and if you’re married to one, here’s the top ten ways to find out:

1. Cell phone habits change. Turning on vibrate, increase in calls.
2. Shopping for a “new” wardrobe. Hip younger clothes.
3. Increase in business travel.
4. Changing email passwords and creating new email accounts.
5. Heading straight into the shower when arriving home.
6. Changing an established routine at home and work for no logical reason.
7. An increase of gifts or charges on the credit card statements.
8. Credit card or bank statements are no where to be found.
9. The sex frequency has changed.
10. .Change in attitude, looking for excuses to leave late at night.

Here are tactical questions and a bit of homework Dahlin recommends for the couples he counsels:

1. .Relational history: What is the longest relationship you ever had and why did it end? How many relationships have you been in so far? Dating background? Previous marriages?
2. Family background: What did you learn from parents about relationships? Did your parents fight? How did it make you feel? How did they resolve it?
3. Personal history: Did you/do you have a temper? Do you get angry easy? Do you hold on to things? Who do you resent? Do you have a background of drugs, jail or felony? Who has hurt you the most? Have you ever been violated – molested, raped, physically or emotionally abused? Is there any pornography in your personal history? Are there any secrets you are keeping from the other person? Educational goals?
4. Define love!
5. What are your short term/long terms goals for this marriage? Have you read any books, taken any classes, received any council?
6. What do you hope to get in this marriage that couldn’t be fulfilled if you stayed single? How do you “know” this is the right person for you?
7. Children: How many? When? Discipline views, educational goals, religious training?
8. Define commitment: Are you a person who is capable of commitment? Are you ready to sacrifice? Are you ready to put the needs of your spouse before yourself? Can you overlook an offense? How would you describe your ability to forgive? Do you have any hesitation, fear or concerns about what, “Until death do us part” means?
9. What are the expectation for roles and duties of each other in this marriage? What do you expect to get or receive from your spouse?
10. .What is your view of sex? Who has prepared you for it? Where has yourinformation come from?

Snippets from the book:

• Introduction to the Book
• The First Steps
• Ch-Ch-Changes
• Case Study on Bill
• The Serial Cheater
• Keeping up with the Joneses

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